After work today, I’m going to Philadelphia to celebrate my Straight Doppelganger Tyler’s birthday. For those of you who didn’t attend Drug Cartel High (god bless, you), Tyler was my best friend in middle school who stopped talking to me when I came out. To his misfortune, we look identical; at high school house parties girls would get us confused and call me their boyfriend and him a fag. I hung out with the hot girls though, so he had to go to my parties. Sometime after senior year ended we realized we have the same interests (minus him fucking my girls, of course). So now we visit each other every now and then. He usually gets wine drunk and wants to listen to Britney Spear’s Femme Fatale.