Dear Lady Gaga,
The last two years have felt like an avalanche of Gaga, and in the last four months, that avalanche has felt like over kill, not because we’ve have more of you than usual, but because your product no longer matches your description.
“Born This Way,” proclaimed the most hyped single of all time by Rolling Stone, sounded safe—a mere Madonna retread instead of the gay anthem to top “I Will Survive”—and its video director thought that the world would enjoy watching you dance around for six minutes in an outfit you stole from an American Apparel model. (The world does not).
Luckily, “Judas” would be a controversy as epic as Madonna’s Pepsi Cola “Like A Prayer” fiasco (Vh1 still discusses that mess), but you lied: you released a standard, but amazing, theme song for any gay, dive bar in Berlin, which isn’t what you promised us, but hey, the video has to be CRAAAAAZY, right?
Nope, you lied again. Unlike “Like A Prayer,” the “Judas” video explores religious iconography as religious iconography. No black Jesus. No oral sex references. No questioning of Catholicism, because you have become Barbie. Whether as a lawyer or waiter, Barbie’s a hot blonde married to Ken. Whether as Mary Magdalene or an alien, you going insist that your songs are controversy ridden dance songs about your “feelings.”
You’re not Fiona Apple. You’re not Michael Jackson. No one wants to hear you hit a high note as you wail about your biker boyfriend who looks like Judas. No one wants to watch your mediocre dance moves you stole from Britney Spears. There’s a reason Britney has had two top three singles this year and you have had one. She promised the ironic dance tunes; she delivered the ironic dance tunes. If you promise your customers a Prius, Gaga, you can’t give them an SUV. You promised the crazy. WHERE THE FUCK IS IT?
A concerned fan